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Post Info TOPIC: AA whilst still drinking


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AA whilst still drinking
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why would any self confess A wanna continue going to meetings and still drink in secret?
any esh would be grateful

belle1

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MIP Old Timer

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Try reading the first two paragraphs of the "Daily Reflections" posted a few threads below.  To me, this adequately explains the alcohlic dilema, of knowing something's really wrong, and feeling at the same moment that you can not leave the alcohol behind.  Acceptance is the key to coming to meetings sober and applying oneself to the program.

I imagine coming to meetings while drinking is like talking about quiting smoking while lighting up a fresh one; not very pleasant or satisfying.

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ljc


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For some ppl it takes a long time to get honest with themselves and really believe in their heart and mind that they are alcoholic.
I know many ppl who claim to have continued drinking while still going to AA meetings.

I remember being at one of my very first meetings and there was a gal there who was clearly drunk.  She was blabbing on and on and rude, disruptive, etc.
I went home after the meeting and called my sponsor telling her about the meeting and this particular gal and how astonished I was at her attendance at the meeting.
My sponsor said , " If a drunk cant go to an AA meeting , then where can they go ? ".  ( of course, my first thought was how about back to the bar ? )

Sometimes a seed gets planted and takes awhile to grow ....



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K.i.s.s.



MIP Old Timer

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Hey Belle1 Our third tradition states "only requirement for membership is the"desire" to stop drinking.(This person may have the desire but just hasn;t clicked yet)It is definitely not suggested that you remain drinking but I believe it is important to keep showing up and feeling the'love" the process can bring you.Literature says' we are a rough mixture of people at all different levels of addiction and recovery"If the person doesn't get to "really hear the message" inside the rooms they may never get to hear it outside..Some may take longer than others to reach our 1st step,some may never reach it.Not all attend program for the right reason,but hopefully like it is stated below a "seed can be planted"  Welcome to the forum,keep coming back!smile

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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.


MIP Old Timer

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Hello Marie and welcome to our board. Some people walk into AA and never drink again (my mother for 34 year, for example) but others like myself took two years of going to meetings to get more than 2 months at a time. The main ingredient for sobriety is Desire and a strong one. You've got to really want it. Going to a meeting every day, finding and calling a sponsor daily, beginning to read the literature, joining a "home group", and getting to know the people in that group will make you an insider. Right now, you're probably doing what I did. Leading a double life, slipping in and out of meetings seemingly undetected. It doesn't work like that. One way that you can break out of this is to call your local AA phone number, talk to a recovering AA and have someone meet you at a meeting to introduce you to some folks and find you a temporary sponsor so that you'll be connected.

Dean

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MIP Old Timer

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Belle,
Welcome.  The prior posts hit the main reasons for this.  I too bounced in and out for three years.  I had the desire to get sober, but not the willingness to do the work for it.  I didn't put any supports in place.  I also was scared of living life without alcohol.  Once I became desperate for a better life when alcohol stop working I became willing to do the work.  It was good that I stuck around for those 3 years, because when I was ready there were people at AA who picked me up, dusted me off and were more than willing to help.  Today, I'm grateful for the gift of AA.

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I can remember going to an AA meeting on  Sundays nights, getting ready for work on Mondays, hoping to feel a bit better after a weekend of pouring it back. My intentions were good..but after a day at work on Mondays, and starting to feel better, I needed my "Fix".
Went to AA and drank for 7 years...with a few days, a few weeks, or a few months dry, in between.

The desire to stop was there..

But the need to drink was more powerful.

In the end? There wasnt a choice any more. Had lost everything and everyone in my life. Was suicidal, and in a depressive state.
I had to call out for help.

After being in AA for many moons, and sober. I forgot where I came from, and picked up again.
I didnt hit a big bottom, but the "Bang" was enough for a rude awakening.



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MIP Old Timer

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Hi Marie,

And welcome dear to Miracles in Progress, and what Phil wrote, that was me for way over 5 years, yes I definitely had the desire to quit, but the Compulsion to drink was stronger.

I was thinking about MIP, this website yesterday, and applying it to what was not available to me back then, just so greatful indeed that this message board can and surely we have seen so many people come in, read and read and re-read, along with trying out some meetings, and they end of staying, giving up drinking, and completely surrender to this awesome thing we call Recovery. 

But with what Angela said, about the parelell of the cigarettes, I respectly disagree,   those years of going to AA meetings, and on my way home buying the alcohol for that night, all those years of doing that, I discovered, well it did take years, and not fun years by any means, that AA had distroyed my drinking, well it certainly distroyed my having my old ideas about it. Brain cells WERE taking in some of the educational things about the problem.

So you are difinitely not alone in this, some of us have a longer waking up time.  And just like Phil, I had to take my to the edge, where I was at a point where I did not want to live with the drinking, and because it was still there, I think I am spelling out the code for suicidal thoughts, planning them out and horrible depression, well that is sort of putting the cart before the horse, chronic major depressive, with suicide as the only way out. and by the Sheer Grace of God, that i finally turned to, I turned to a God, NOT of my understanding, but asked anyway, if HE would show me a different way, when my third suicidal attempt fell through, had had two before many years before this last one, and Marie, that is when I experinced the Miracle of my Life.  My compulsion to drink, was LIFTED out of me, began the long journey back to a real life, meetings everyday, for almost 6-8 years, and I felt, well if you couldn't get it together to get into this Program for almost 10 years, then I had to make a similiar commitment to AA Meetings, for almost that same length of time.

Wow I really did digress, hope you did not mind, this Post is about you, but wanted to share how it was for me while I drank and attended meetings.

Happy you are here, and hope you will stay and you could become a Miracle of this AA Recovery Program sooner that you ever imagined, that is my Prayer for you today.

And we only do this one Day at a time, that is the beauty of the amazing Journey. And by the way, it is no longer a God of NOT my understanding, a deep and completely faithful heart to my HP, whom I choose to God..... A God of my understanding today.

Hugs to you,

Toni







-- Edited by Just Toni on Tuesday 5th of January 2010 08:48:53 PM

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Mostly because they dont care, and AA doesn't appear to be helping them.

-- Edited by johnphilip19 on Tuesday 5th of January 2010 10:18:36 PM

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MIP Old Timer

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AA helps you help yourself. If anyone goes to meetings thinking it will spontaneously cure them, it won't. It takes the honestly, open-mindedness, and willingness. People go to meetings and drink I believe because some of them have had sobriety time before and relapsed, but they still feel that their greatest social support is in AA. Some do it for free coffee and a warm place to sit. Some do it hoping to be rescued by others in the fellowship. Some because they know they need to be there but are so deathly afraid of life and of their feelings that they cant even go to meetings without drinking. Could be a bunch of things. As alcoholics we can really torture ourselves. Some might feel so guilty right after drinking that they hit a meeting. Some might know their own history of the destruction they cause when drunk and figure they can limit that by being in a meeting instead of out in public or pondering suicide at home. Either way, it's that old saying "Nothing worse than a head full of AA and a belly full of alcohol"

Of course drinking in "secret"  in between meetings is another story.  That one is one I have seen a few times.  People may get the idea they can control their drinking as long as they attend AA meetings.  People use it like going to church after doing something bad...to help them feel better.  People rationalize that they are starting over and are just waiting for something to kick in and give them sober time before they get honest...Some might have accumulated sober time in AA and they feel they will be totally shunned and discredited if they are honest...yah...a few things.  I try to be understanding cuz it would suck to be in that position.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 6th of January 2010 08:26:32 AM

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Many years ago when I was an agnostic I visited in on many different church services just out of curiosity. Even as a nonbeliever I wanted to know what the religion thing was about and what its appeal was.

I liked some more than others and later I went regularly to a couple of churches at different times in my life.

I never did find my own lasting spirituality in a church. Nevertheless, I still visit random churches occasionally just to get different perspectives.

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Serenity,

jasperkent


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This thread has really made me think, because after a brief sobriety I have been drinking in secret and going to meetings.  It's so odd that I feel ashamed to admit what I'm doing, in a meeting, when that is the very place i should do it.   I agree with what you all have said about honesty, and for the life of me can not understand why I fear being honest so much.  

I think tonight I should fully admit my relapse get a 24 hour chip and get back on track.


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MIP Old Timer

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Hey Shawn, and welcome to the board. It's not odd at all. Most of us have made substitutions for the truth, in many areas of our life, just to present what we perceive that others would consider adequate or "Ok".
In reality, most people don't really care about the finer details of ourselves and our lives. That's where the "ego maniac with low self esteem" comes into play. The people in your group will be overjoyed for you to get honest with them. Stick around and help us to stay sober.

Dean

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MIP Old Timer

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Shawn,
Welcome!  Thank you for the honesty.  I've been there and it's not a good feeling, but some of that shame will life when you get honest with yourself and your group.  This is an honest program.  We all have to get honest if we're going to change.  The first person we have to be honest with is our self, then others.  People at your group will be supportive of your situation.  Most, if not all of us have been there.
Keep coming back and let us know how you made out. 
P.S.- if I could make a suggestion, it might be time for a sponsor.  Someone you can be open and honest with that can help you with this program.

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DBZ


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pinkchip wrote:

AA helps you help yourself. If anyone goes to meetings thinking it will spontaneously cure them, it won't. It takes the honestly, open-mindedness, and willingness. People go to meetings and drink I believe because some of them have had sobriety time before and relapsed, but they still feel that their greatest social support is in AA. Some do it for free coffee and a warm place to sit. Some do it hoping to be rescued by others in the fellowship. Some because they know they need to be there but are so deathly afraid of life and of their feelings that they cant even go to meetings without drinking. Could be a bunch of things. As alcoholics we can really torture ourselves. Some might feel so guilty right after drinking that they hit a meeting. Some might know their own history of the destruction they cause when drunk and figure they can limit that by being in a meeting instead of out in public or pondering suicide at home. Either way, it's that old saying "Nothing worse than a head full of AA and a belly full of alcohol"

Of course drinking in "secret"  in between meetings is another story.  That one is one I have seen a few times.  People may get the idea they can control their drinking as long as they attend AA meetings.  People use it like going to church after doing something bad...to help them feel better.  People rationalize that they are starting over and are just waiting for something to kick in and give them sober time before they get honest...Some might have accumulated sober time in AA and they feel they will be totally shunned and discredited if they are honest...yah...a few things.  I try to be understanding cuz it would suck to be in that position.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 6th of January 2010 08:26:32 AM




While I have gained valuable perspective from all the posts in this thread, this one to a word resonates almost to a word. So much gold, and while I never would have thought of this stuff on my own, it is basically one big head nod from me.

I've only been to two meetings and one I drank both before and after. I simply wasn't committed to quitting, but I was interested in finding out what it's all about. I believe myself to be on the right track (barely), however even if I was still drinking around the time of those meetings it doesn't mean I didn't benefit greatly from them. Thanks.


-- Edited by DBZ on Friday 8th of January 2010 11:11:37 AM

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I came into the folds of AA to investigate and see whether I was one of "those" people. I didn't show up at an AA meeting ready to surrender and move on with my life. It was to see if I belonged. I drank after every meeting for probably about 4 months. Like pinkchip said, everyone is a little different.

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Hello, Belle - I cudda wrote that very same post over 20 years ago, and I ended up in intensive care on life support whilst still 'dropping in occasionally' at AA meetings!!! Seven years in AA, not being honest with myself or anyone else, but I DID eventually make it.

THIS is NOT a reccommendation - I know others who have done the same and died, I am one hell of a lucky lady to have survived. I thought I was fooling them AA's when I went to meetings drunk(ish) But they KNEW I was lying my arse off, but they kept saying 'keep coming back' 'One day if you stick with us, you will stop drinking in spite of YOU'

They were right, I celebrated 19 years in July of last year, it could have been 26 years if only I had stuck with it sooner and stopped pissing about, but I no longer say, 'If Only' cos it's in the same category as 'Why Me?' and that for me is stinking thinking, and I think we all know what comes next.

stinking thinking Leads to drinking.

We get it when we give in instead of trying to fight it.

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