Until I had a little sobriety under my belt I was never able to give a reasonable answer to the question of why I drank the way I did for so long. Now I realize that it was because deep down, beneath my wildly extroverted persona I was/am afraid of almost everything. Without alcohol I'm a nervous wreck in social situations or interacting with women. I am extremely self conscious in public and uncomfortable in my own skin. You folks who are veterans are probably thinking "Well duh, no shit..." but for me this was a big realization and something that was difficult to admit. I always thought that I was fearless, the kind of guy who could walk into a room full of strangers and work the room easily making friends, hitting on anything with boobs and not caring in the slightest what anybody thought. Now I know that that was all fake, worthless, liquid courage.
My question is this, now that I've been reduced to this frightened, squirmy, little knob how am I supposed to be "fearless and thorough" about anything? I'm like a raw nerve ending, hypersensitive to everything and overflowing with all of these feelings that I used to just drink away.
As much as booze was harmful and destructive I did like the feeling of confidence...fake or not it was still more pleasant than being scared and uncomfortable all the time.
I can really identify. No solutions, but I can really identify! I much preferred being the confident, gregarious person rather than the shy little kid that I was.
I can so identify with what you said. I was so painfully shy and then used to alcohol to bring out the 'real' me as I thought of it. But, although I thought I could socialize better, be wittier, more attractive and so on, it just wasn't like that. There is no way that a gibbering, drunken person looks better, tells better jokes or socializes better!
I remember being so frightened of facing step four that it would strip away what little was left of 'me'. But, it didn't work that way.
For me, working the steps has made me realize that I am an OK person and that it's fine to be just the way I am. I am getting a confidence in myself that no amount of alcohol could ever have given me. And, I no longer make a total idiot out of myself every time I drink, or hate myself the next day!
Just give it your best go and I promise you that it will start to get better. What you are feeling now will go away. I felt exactly the same and it has got infinitely better.
Just hang in there.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I've got that same problem...so it must be most of us : ). I used to say...."I'm gonna drink tonight so I can be myself around people." I'm slowly but surely realizing the quiet, shy girl I am when I 'm sober....is the real me. I'm hoping it gets a little better too.....but it sure beats who I was before.
For me - yes it went away. What went away was my need for other's approval and the worry and fear that they wouldn't like me. Working the steps made me realize that I really do like who I am - there is work to do - but all in all I am not nearly as bad as I thought I was.
Step 1 - I was a complete wreck. Step 12 - sitting with my sponsor - completely calm and comfortable in my skin.
It was miraculous.
I am so glad I am sober. I am even happier to see you here Tips - glad you keep coming back.
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
You might surprise yourself and really like who you are after a while...I can tell you have a great wit about you and without the booze, people could really find they like you the way you are!!! None of us are cute or funny drunk...maybe at first but then they look at us like were nuts!!!
I tend to talk way to much, even sober and that could be considered a character defect!! But its who I am and I have learned that being myself is the best! We are not here to judge others or are we here to worry about what others think of us! Thats a hard one but it does get better... Think of all the friends, family you may have pissed off over the years...would they like you better sober???? Bet they would and will if you give yourself a chance... Hooray for staying sober and know we luv ya no matter!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
By working the steps and facing the fears that I was powerless over, I found that the fears were given to a Power greater than myself and I was no longer afraid. Intensive work with my sponsor was all I could do in the beginning, but it worked.
Tip, you will like yourself, and the RIGHT people will like you as well, for who you are, and for whatever humility you gain through sobriety. (I am starting to see a bit of humility peep out right this moment... and it is a Tipsy that I like.)
I too could not "function" without alcohol, or so I thought. But when I look at it honestly, I was the biggest pain in the butt to everyone I met or even brushed past in my drinking days.
Sticking around sober people at least insures that you will be around people who have felt the same way as you, and who will help you feel comfortable in your own skin.
Fearless and Thorough form the very start... remember, the only thing you have to worry about is the step you are on. No others. Can you be fearless and thorough with just that ONE STEP that you are on? Sure you can. You have people who can help you get past your fears too.
I have a feeling you might have a really good year, Tipsy. Just stay with it!!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
You know a hundred things just zipped right through my head and right back out again. The only thing I got is that the feeling that booze gave us all was that warm and fuzzy feeling that we tried to substitute for Love. All we have to do is to put down the booze and learn to give and receive love unconditionally, beginning with loving ourselves.
Your post hits home for me too. I usually would drink enough to be the life of the party, so there is a strange part of me that thinks I will let everyone down. But I can always look forward to not waking up hung over.
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Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
I think that phrase just means try to be fearless and thorough about your recovery, not everything else...Most of us alcoholics seem to read into stuff and make it too complicated. People share in meetings about being fearful and uncomfortable all the time...almost every meeting it would seem. Tons of people just go to the meetings and never talk. You are not so unique (and I mean that in a good way). Just being able to write about it means you already progressed further than many do. Plus if you believe in the promises at all, there will be plenty of good, healthy sex in the future provided you dont drink and also don't trade the alcohol addiction in for an addiction to sex...which is tempting to this alcoholic and plenty of other men too I'm sure. (cant speak for women)
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
My sponsor always says "when the student is ready, the teacher will come."
Doesn't matter from where. BB, ephiny or another person, your understanding will continue to grow as long you remain sober, teachable and listen with an open mind and heart.
It does get better........but patience and work is key.
For me, AA has been 2 steps forward, 1 step back. When I think I know something, I soon realize I don't know shit! So, better keep gettin' to those meetings!
Awesome, TM!
((hugs))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Im so proud of you tipsy(reading a comment you made on another thread!!!) See, you can be loveable!!!! The real you is shining through and its a great thing! Hang in buddy! Life and "love" get better the better we get!!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
